Atlantis Advertisements
by Whirlwind421
Summary: When it comes to the Pegasus Galaxy, even their ads are strange.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I swear it's not mine. (sneaks away with copyrights)

A/N: Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Atlantis Advertisements

AA- Atlantis Anonymous  
Run by your very own Dr. Heightmeyer.  
If you wake up screaming in the middle of the night, see bugs everywhere or are obsessed with Sheppard's hair.  
This is the place for you.  
Meetings are held every Friday at 2000 hours or 8 o-clock.  
(Anyone who can convince, not kidnap, one of the lead expedition members to come will get free uninterrupted floor time.)

It wasn't everyday new clubs were formed. They usually required too much time and energy.

At first, AA seemed like a good idea. Until, Elizabeth was ambushed five times in the first hour alone.

She never knew how many people would go to unmeasured lengths to get her to go. Someone even offered the last of their chocolate. And that was a very tempting offer.

She soon found out that John, Teyla, Ronon, Carson, Keller, and even Zelenka had been offered many such offers.

Quickly retreating, they hid. On Fridays, starting at 8 not on leader could be found.

* * *

A/N: Yes, I know Keller and Carson don't exist at the same time. In my little world they do. Please review.


	2. Chapter 2

Atlantis Advertisements

Have you ever felt something missing in you life?  
Feeling lonely and depressed?  
You need cat ears!  
Watch as people flock around you.  
Contact me at freetobeyounme .amail .apg.

Rodney scowled at the flicking black cat ears on his head.

At first they had been cool, Katie had cooed and called them adorable. Actually, all the ladies and some men loved them so much that Katie got jealous and refused to see him until he got rid of them.

"Hey!" Rodney's ears flatten on his head, as John walked into the room.

"Don't be like that. What's wrong?" John asked, leaning against the doorframe.

Rodney groaned. He hated these ears. They gave away his every emotion. It was beyond annoying. None of his scientist took him seriously anymore. "Nothing." He muttered.

"You can't lie to me. I can read you." John grinned, that really annoying cheeky grin he got when he knew he was right.

"You mean you can read these damn ears." Rodney groaned, his head falling into his hands.

"Oh, come on Rodney! Everyone can." Rodney moaned from his position on the work bench.

"Come on, tell me what's wrong?" John said poking one of Rodney's ears.

Rodney whacked John's hand away, before saying. "Don't get me started..."


	3. Chapter 3

Atlantis Advertisements

Do you miss those long days of freedom and mindless happiness?  
There is hope for you yet.  
You can again live the wondrous feeling again.  
For 48 hours, you will be transported to a whole new world.  
Contact me at followyourdreams .amail .apg.

"Come on Liz. Give it back." John protested as she took the cool glowing thing.

"Oh, no no. Don't play with that." Rodney cried out before Elizabeth or rather a much smaller version of herself could toss it back to John also much smaller then his usual self. Rodney didn't like children to begin with and now most of his colleges were children with the exception of Zelenka and Carson and others not worthy enough to mention.

"Rodney." A small voice cried. "The mean boy over there is making fun of me."

In the corner a small boy with dread-locks scowled at the back of one unhappy girl as she tripped over her own feet. Tears started to flow down her cheeks.

He picked up the small blond girl, "I'll be alright. Here why don't you help me try and fix this device and make you all very much grown up again." He said desperately trying to distract Jennifer from crying. He was horrible with children. Why did things like this always happen to him?

She looked up at him with big wide eyes and said. "I don't want to be grown up."

He blinked in surprise, "Why not? You can do lots of things. Like eat what you want...Hey! You! What are you doing! Stop! Come back here with that!"

Hearing the gigging of the small girl in his arms, he exclaimed "Why you devious little child!"

Putting her down, "Now, John, how about you give that back to me."

John smiled evilly, "I wonder what this does."

A big light swept out, targeting Rodney.

Suddenly Rodney didn't care so much anymore.

"Bože, pomoz mi!"

* * *

"Not a word."

"No."

* * *

A/N: 'Bože, pomoz mi' means 'God, help me' or at least that's what the goggle traslator tells me.


	4. Chapter 4

Atlantis Advertisements

Do you ever wonder how Sheppard gets his hair like that?  
Well, the amazement ends.  
You too can get cool bad head hair that woman adore.  
Just buy the cute little package of gel.  
And you have the wonders of wonderful hair.

John shuttered. Gel advertisements...What next? John hair club?

Standing up, he paced back and forth before taking one great breathe and opened the door.

No one was in the hall. Maybe he could quickly get some food from the mess hall without running into anyone.

He entered the mess and saw his hair. Everywhere! Even the cook had it...and she was female! Blanching, his rushed the other way. Maybe he should visit Elizabeth in the control room instead.

Maybe not...the control room was also filled with heads that carried his hair style.

Helpless he stood stuck in shock. Was this whole city insane!

"John!" He grimaced. "Is that you?"

He turned around to find Elizabeth fast approaching him.

"This is madness!"

"Tell me about it." He exclaimed.

"Don't worry. Rodney's got a plan to stop it."

He smiled.

* * *

Mark stepped out of the shower, ready to apply his new hair gel. He screamed...his hair was purple.


	5. Chapter 5

Atlantis Advertisements

Missing: 12 chocolate bars, 3 box of Ho Hos, and 1 pair of yellow boxers.  
Environmental controls will be reestablished after the return of said items.

"Rodney!" He grimaced as he heard Elizabeth's voice entering his sanctuary.

"Yes," he said impatiently letting the fear slide from his voice into impatience. He had learned never to cross Elizabeth. Hence why her quarters hadn't been infected by his wraith on the general public. He had left the infirmary, mess, and control room intact. He thought he was being generous. Obviously not.

"What makes you think you can just take everyone's power away like this?" She demanded, planting one hand on her side and raising one eyebrow in trademark Elizabeth fashion.

"And why not? Besides it's not like I took everyone's power away. Just the people I suspect."

Elizabeth sighed. The wasn't a good sign. "Which is more then half the people in the city. I am here by ordering you to turn the power back on."

"You can't do that!" he exclaimed.

"Actually, Rodney. I can. If you don't have the power up and running in one hour. There _will be _dire consequences." She raised one eyebrow again at his spluttering before leaving the room.

"But, what if I refuse!" He called after her. Woman!

"Hey, Rodney..."

"Not now, Sheppard. I have a city to fix."

"Oh, really, you mean the one you're holding hostage until you got your smiley faced boxers back." John grinned.

"This has nothing to do with my boxers...Hey! Wait!" Realization dawned on him. He should have known all along. But, no he hadn't suspect one injured Colonel with his puppy dog eyes and smile. Watch and see if he would ever get creature confronts again. "How did you know they had smiles on them? My ad didn't say anything about smiley faces!"

"Oh, look at the time...I better get going!" John dashed out of the room.

"Sheppard! You get back here this instant! Sheppard!"

* * *

In the warmth of Elizabeth's room, John grinned, munching down on the delight of one particularly tasty Mars Bar, as a pair of yellow smiley faced boxers grinned back at him.

A/N: Funny or not? In Character? Please tell me.


	6. Chapter 6

Atlantis Advertisements

A magical time awaits you.  
Just around the corner.  
And down the hall.  
Through the transporter by mission control.  
Press the button. You'll know.  
Two lefts and a right.  
You're almost there.  
Just trust and step through the wall.

No one knew what to make of it. There had been so many instances that things went wrong through these advertisements. But undoubtedly someone did take the bate.

* * *

"Now, lass. Promise me you won't do anything foolish like that again." Carson said as he gently bandaged up Elizabeth's arm.

"I just figured I would save myself the trouble of having to get after John or Rodney to hand in their reports."

"So, what did you find in there always."

* * *

After reading the advertisement she knew something would happen and she really didn't want any repeat accidents of turning into children or such.

Sighing she left her office. She jumped down the stairs one at a time. Ignoring the strange looks her expedition was giving her. She was just buying her time, not really wanting to follow the crude instructions to God willing another strange experience.

She stepped into the transporter. Just press a button. And how was she supposed to know which one. Closing her eyes. She randomly jabbed her finger at the wall.

Crying out, she sucked on her finger. Narrowing her eyes at the wall, she demanded vengeance. Nothing broke her nail and got away with it! Stubbornly she pressed the top right spot, watching the wall the throughout. Staring it down.

Leaving the evil transporter behind. Quickly, she took two lefts then a right. Was it just her or did the walls seem to sparkle?

She reached a dead end. Pressing her hand up against the wall, she found it very hard under her hand. What had she expected? To fall through the wall.

'Just trust and step through the wall.' Stepping back a few feet. She prepared herself, herself for the run. She must be crazy. Crazy or not. She was going to regret this later when someone found her unconscious with a dent in the wall.

She waited for the moment of impact as she ran toward the wall. Closing her eyes at the last second...the impact never came.

"Welcome, Dr. Wier. I have been waiting for you."

Opening her eyes, she gasped. On the other side of the room, stood a fish. A rather humanoid looking fish. Yet, a fish all the same.

She closed her eyes once more. Then, opened them again._ It_ wasn't gone. She pinched herself. It didn't work. She decided to take the extreme measure. Taking her hand, the one the transporter had beat up, and slapped it across her face.

"Ow!" She exclaimed. It still there!

"Dr. Wier, are you okay?" It asked, concern crossing his face.

He came across the room, his hand out stretched.

She shrieked and turned. Scrapping her arm on a broken crystal as she jumped back through the wall.

* * *

"Elizabeth, lass?" Carson asked.

Nope, no one would believe what she saw. Then again this was Atlantis after all.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I haven't posted this story in a long time. But, some stories where floating on my hard drive and I decided to post them. Hope you like them. I wonder if any of my old reviewers are still around? Hmmm...

* * *

Atlantis Advertisements

There's a method to the madness.  
It's true!  
Anyone who wants the secrets on how to make Rodney tick.  
Contact me at flyboy .amail .apg

"And what is the meaning of this?" Rodney exclaimed as he stocked into John's room not even bothering to ding first. John really had to figure out how Rodney did that. John lay on his bed, feet dangling over the edge.

He shoved his laptop to the side and said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Rodney." He rolled his eyes as Rodney huffed.

"Yeah, right. As if that wasn't my first clue." Rodney declared, placing his on his hips. So, it probably wouldn't be the best time to tell Rodney, he reminded him of a girl whenever he did that. He glared at him as if he could tell what he was thinking. Right, so no then.

"Rodney, did you ever figure that maybe it wasn't me?" John asked, poking holes in Rodney's argument.

"Well, of course not. I didn't have to. I know it was you." He smiled smugly.

John opened his mouth.

"I mean what kind of email is flyboy anyways. It's a complete give away. And you call yourself a solider. Why didn't you use something like likes bugs. And really could it have killed you to come with a proper ad. It doesn't even rhyme properly." Rodney rant turned slightly whinny at the end.

John wouldn't admit it but the ad took longer to come up with then he would like to admit.

"I still refuse to accept blame. All I'm going to say, is whoever come up with this was pretty smart." He mocked innocence.

"This isn't over." Rodney exclaimed, turning and storming toward the door.

"I'm sure it isn't." John smirked.

Rodney left and fast as he had entered, muttering the whole way.

Now, where was he? Oh right, answering emails.


	8. Chapter 8

Atlantis Advertisements

BeautifulBrunette

One intelligent sexy female looking for nice and funny male.

Likes the the color red, 'When Harry met Sally', and dogs.

Hates when people interrupt her, loud noises, and when things go wrong.

Believes that everything has a diplomatic solution.

Would like a romantic evening. Suggestion: Dinner and a movie.

Hair: Brown  
Eye: Green  
Build: Slender

Profession: Leader of Atlantis

Needs someone to distract her from paperwork.

Don't stand her up!

Contact: likesbugs .amail .apg

* * *

For the second time in two weeks, his door slid open followed by the words, "What exactly to you think you were thinking?" He really had to find out how they were doing that. Elizabeth stood at the entrance to his courtiers, arms folded in front of her.

He pushed the book off his lap and smiled broadly, "What are you saying, Elizabeth."

"Don't play dumb with me, John Sheppard. You know exactly what I'm talking about." She moved further into his room, the door slidding shut behind her. He couldn't quite help feeling the action was slightly ominous.

He pulled himself off the bed, until he was standing infront of her. Elizabeth was glaring it him something fierce. He should never have let Rodney talk him into this prank. "I don't know what you are talking about." When in doubt, never admit to anything.

"Do we really have to play this game?" She sighed, a lock of hair falling in her face. He ignored the slight skip of his heart. He thought he promised a long time ago not to go there.

"Honesty, Elizabeth, I don't have any idea what you're talking about." He smiled and sincerely as possible.

She studied him for a moment, before pulling a piece of paper out of her pant's pocket. She handed it to him. His eyes scanned over the words, not really reading the words he knew by heart.

"You still have nothing to say for yourself?" She asked, a slightly confused frown creasing her face.

Gotcha. "You know, you could use some time away from the office." He smirked at her.

Elizabeth shrieked exasperated and turned around, leaving him in the middle of his room by himself. This was the second time someone left his room in a huff.


End file.
